One Year Later

It was a year ago today. July 7, 2011 at 1:43 PM. Jackson wasn’t due for another couple weeks, but my kids like to come early. I figure they have a whole lot of life and love to give and there’s no way they’re going to spend any more time cooking than they have to.

There’s a whole whirlwind of thought I still have going back to July 7 last year. Not a day goes by I don’t think of him. Think of what we could have done different. Would anything have mattered? I really don’t know. I’ll probably never get that answer. In a way, I’m ok with that.

The things I really have the hardest time with are the things we’ll never get to do together. Knowing we’ll never share a laugh together, he’ll never ask me for advice. I’ll never hold him as he cries and tell him everything will be ok.

I’ll never be able to look into his eyes and see his entire being staring back at me, trusting me to keep him safe and hold his whole life in my hands.

The greatest thing you can do with your life is be an incredible parent to your children and leave them a great legacy. All I wanted was the chance to give that little boy everything I had. I was ready to give him every ounce of love I’ve handed to his big brother and sister before him.

Losing my son was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, but my trust and faith in God was never stronger as I went through that time. All I had to rely on was my God, my family and our close friends. I am glad they were there to get us through.

Today, one year later, we celebrate his first birthday. An it is truly a celebration, knowing he is getting the most incredible birthday party with his friends and family in heaven. I can’t wait until I can be there to celebrate with him.

Jackson – We think about you, miss you and love you more than ever. I’m praying for you always.